Home Improvement-A New Twist

Yesterday, in what was supposed to be a fairly straightforward exercise in home improvement turned out to be a complete rigmarole, not to mention a true test of my home improvement moxie. I was trying to replace clapboards on the front of the house and several things happened. Just like PD told me, I ended up cracking and breaking more clapboards that I had intended to, and in the process of cracking those, I cracked some more. I am, however, getting the hang of removing clapboards. It's all about finesse and feel, though the nails can be a bitch to remove.

The boards near the bottom were severely rotted and fell apart, and once removed, I discovered ants. Not a lot of them, but enough to cause concern. AND, the wood was wet and rotted, another concern. They had to be replaced, and suddenly a simple clapboard replacement scheme was evolving into a serious home improvement endeavor. So naturally I turned to one of my mentors for advice.

Now I seriously considered calling KB or PD on their cell, but they are working and busy, so I instead called my life-sensei, GL, just to ask some simple questions. GL has alluded to feeling neglected in the home improvement field, and he's incredibly knowledgeable and helpful, not to mention supremely confident and capable. He said water and ants were both a concern, and that he'd be right over to take a look. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I wasn't going to have face this alone.

GL showed up and the clouds parted in the sky. He's such the man, I feel no fear when he's around. He looked at the house and declared that we were going to have to cut out the wood, and I immediately shit in my pants. He was so nonchalant about it, that's what I love about the guy. He did say that it could wait another year and I could simply re-cover the face with new clapboards, but feeling empowered and like a man, I said screw it, let's do it, here and now.

So I got my rotary saw and proceeded to cut out a 1X4 section of the plywood face beneath the clapboard, I couldn't believe it. Sure enough, it revealed that the wood was rotting and there was some ant infestation, but not a lot. I probably saw at most twenty ants. But that is enough.

The interesting thing about living in New England is that they don't have termites, but they do have carpenter ants, which seem to me to be the same damn thing. They have to be dealt with or your house will crumble. We went inside and GL saw no water damage on the inside, the foundation seemed sound, and he felt it was not an urgent, dire situation. Of course, I was in a panicked state, but he was calm and cool, as always.

The conclusion was that I would need to remove most of the front clapboards and search for water damage and ants. I would need to address the ant issue, and make sure no more rot was occurring, and this alone was going to be a monumental task. Removing clapboards ain't easy. The corner boards (I just learned what these are called) were rotting, as well, and I needed to replace sections of them. At first I figured that I'd just cut a small section off and replace it whenever it needed it, figuring that this will be a regular thing, but instead I think I'll head off to Brittons and get the entire piece ripped for me. Eight feet, I hope it fits in my car. That's why I love Britton's, they always help out and don't make you feel like an asshole when they do, even if they think it. That means a lot to me.

So it's off to Britton's for plywood, ant killer, corner boards, clapboards, and some friendly advice. What more do I need? If and when I get this finished, it'll be a small miracle. I wanted to finish sealing the deck but had no time, so hopefully I'll get to it today. Also, I forgot to ask GL why our grass is dying, and what kind of paint to use on the corner boards, or rather if the paint in the basement was usable. So many questions, so little time.

And to top it all off, I still have to cook, clean, and home school the kids. Maybe it's a good thing I'm staying at home, today. My wife's parents have indicated a visit, so I'm thinking I may have to mow the backyard lawn, which GL was more than happy to share his thoughts on. We looked at the chimney and said it was very clean, though some buildup is occurring an I think I would still have it cleaned, and we cleaned the stove pipe. Getting ready for cold weather. GL did compliment me on my caulking job, not to mention my technique with the rotary saw. This means the world to me.

Today should be an interesting day, to say the least. With me luck, more later. Until then, thanks for reading.